Does Spilled Beer Quell the Spectre of Bettman?

Sadly, no.

Alas, those many years ago at the soon-to-fall Miami Arena I indeed bumped into the Field Marshall himself on a stairway leading to my seats during the first-ever homegame for the expansion Florida Panthers, attempting to fend off a scrappy band of recent Stanley Cup champions in the guise of the mighty Penguins from Pittsburgh.

Unfortunately, the Baby Cats fell to the Pens, but I departed the building that evening feeling pretty shallow for having dumped the hefty sum of $16 (four beers...in 1993!) on Herr Bettman's well-pressed Fifth Avenue suit during the commish's Great Sunbelt Experiment, South Florida, Day One. I hope ESPN had a hairdryer on staff...this was well before The Mullett's arrival.

Of course, April of 1997 hit several years down the road and I never looked back. The Whale hightailed it out of Hartford under his watch - some would say due to his watch - and suddenly I felt severely shortchanged on that original $16.

In any case, that's my GB story. For those not following the human drama that is "Gary Bettman - Portraits in Heroism", you're missing out.

Greg Wyshynski - the Puck Daddy himself - commisioned what has morphed into a truly epic contest, featuring everyone's favorite reality-splicer: PhotoShop.

Head over to the gallery of what can only be described as - and I'm paraphrasing that cinematic colossus The Cannonball Run - the hockey equivilent of the Bay of Pigs.

The idea? Anything goes. And it does. Absolute gold.